What Does Obeying Parents Mean?

Posted by islamic web  |  at  9:18 PM

Abdullah Ibn Umar narrated that the Prophet (S.A.W) told a person that one who awoke in the morning as obedient to his parents, according to the commandments of Almighty Allah, was like one who found two doors opened for him in Heaven. And he will find one door opened if any one of his parents was alive. But one, who broke the day as disobedient to his parents defying the orders of Allah the Almighty, was like one who found the two doors opened for him in Hell. And he will find one door opened if any one of his parents was alive.

The man asked the Prophet (S.A.W), if one should be obedient to his parents even if they were insensible to him? The Prophet (S.A.W), replied, "Yes, even if they are insensible; yes, even if they are insensible; yes, even if they are insensible."

Parents are to be obeyed in matters that are permitted in Islam whether they demand you to perform them or to leave them, as long as it does not endanger your life or limb. If they order you to commit as act of disobedience - whether it be to leave something obligatory (like hijaab) or to commit something haram (like dealing in interest) there is no obedience to them. If they order you to leave something mustahab (like giving up the night prayer or recitation of the Qur'an) for some benefit they may get out of it, like companionship, then it is obligatory to obey them. If they order you to leave the fard kifayah (like washing a dead body, or offering the funeral prayer on it, or Jihad, etc.) and there is no one else to do it or not enough people to do it, then they are not to be obeyed. If enough people are taking care of the matter, then they must be obeyed.

Even though obedience is crucial to being a good Muslim and in fulfilling our duty to Allah, it should be clear that its objectives are to show kindness and achieve better individuals, families and society. Common sense good interest must prevail. Here are two examples to ponder:

1 - Going for Jihad: The lengthy discussions of the scholars on this point can be summarized as follows: If the Jihad has become fard aim (obligation on every individual Muslim), then obedience to the parents is over-ruled and Jihad requirements must be fulfilled. This rule is general for all obligations like offering the salah or performing Hajj; one does not need their permission unless their livelihood and well being depend on their son.

If, on the other hand, Jihad is fard kifayah (obligation on Muslims as community or group), then - as held by the majority of the scholars - their permission must be sought before going for Jihad. A man came to the Prophet (S.A.W), and said, "O Messenger of Allah, may I take part in Jihad?" He asked, "Do you have parents?" He replied, "Yes". He said, "So strive for them." (Abu Dawud). In another Hadith, a man migrated to the Messenger of Allah from Yemen. He asked, "Is any of your relatives in Yemen?" He replied, "My parents." He (S.A.W) asked, "Did they permit you to come?" he replied, "No". He said, "Go back to them and ask for their permission. If they permit you, then right, otherwise be devoted to them." (Abu Dawud)

2- Divorcing your spouse: Abdullah Ibn Umar said, "I had a wife whom I loved but Umar disliked. He told me to divorce her, and when I refused, Umar went to Allah's Messenger (S.A.W), and mentioned the matter to him. Allah's Messenger (S.A.W), then told me to divorced her." (Abu Dawud and Tirmizi). It must be noticed here that the father was the pious and just Omar Ibn ul-Khattab who was not supposed to do wrong to his son's wife without substantial reasons. So, when a man whose father had asked him to divorce his wife asked Imam Ahmed about a similar situation, he said to him,” If your father is as pious as Omar Ibn ul-Khattab, divorce you wife!"